“Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.”
Quoted to me many years ago by my friend Carolyn
What happened to grace goals for May?? Life. That’s what happened. And with life, comes the need for flexibility in plans and in desired outcomes. I have still been writing and sharing different things on Facebook, but have not had the time to do any sort of study theme. And I’m ok with that. I was busy helping my husband (John) and son (Jonathan) to the finish line of the end of the semester, getting ready for my niece to visit us, and keeping the house running. John and Jonathan have now finished another semester and John is a college graduate at the age of forty-seven! Jonathan plans to take summer courses and the next step for John is hip replacement surgery. He is in a tremendous amount of pain and the VA has put in a consult for him to see an orthopedic surgeon.
My niece will be with us a few more days before friends visit and then my brother and sister-in-law and their crew of four kids are coming. I see no study themes in the near future, and again, I’m ok with that. I may post short things here and there as I have time and share on the blog a few things I have already put on Facebook over the last month. I choose the grace of being flexible! I am still noticing the stray gifts and am so thankful for new mercies every day.
“Seasonal Joys” has been the topic of study for April on Facebook and on the blog here and today’s post fits right in with finding joy in every season. It is a post about the journey of letting the white hairs on my head grow out. It isn’t my typical sort of thing I write about and I have been debating about sharing this journey. This topic is relevant to this month’s theme because as I learn to embrace this season of life I am in, I find joy in the simplicity of this ‘process’. It requires no money. It requires no extra time or effort. It does require patience and the steel will to LEAVE IT ALONE. And maybe some purple shampoo to tone down the chemicals I have had in my hair for ages. I am tempted often to run back to Celeste who cuts and colors my hair. When I talked to her about this in January, she was very encouraging. She said the NUMBER ONE thing that stops people from going through with it, is the judgement from other “well-meaning” people. I am thankful for support from my family! My son is fascinated with the progress and has been photo documenting my journey.
I have no idea exactly how long I have been coloring my hair. According to photos of my younger self, my hair seemed to be a mix of blonde and brown which then turned into a really nice auburn color. I think I was twelve years old in the photo on the right -before I started getting perms in the 80’s and 90’s.
Once in high school, I sprayed a product in my hair that was supposed to add blonde highlights. My hair turned orange! I colored my hair darker a few times in college. On the left is a photo of my grandpa and me taken during a summer in between semesters. On the right, is me after college graduation teaching in a small Christian school. And my hair was black. By this time, I was learning to not get distracted while waiting for the timer to go off and for the color to set. If I leave color on too long, this is what happens. (Like the time I put (what I thought was) reddish hair color in and it turned dark purple/maroon. True story.)
April 2014
…Also what happens when a professional gets distracted and leaves color on too long- it turns black. And there is nothing you can do about it but let it grow out and keep cutting it. Nothing. I specifically asked the hairstylist NOT to leave hair color on for even the recommended amount of time as my hair takes quickly to coloring. I cried. I found a new hairstylist. Enter the aforementioned Celeste who is a good listener.
I need to back up a few years to 2003 when another natural change in my hair happened. Sixteen years ago to this day, I gave birth to my second son who was stillborn. In the year after, my hair started to change from straight to curly. I had no idea what to do with it! I continued using hot rollers (because my teenage years were in the era of ‘big hair’ and that’s all I knew) or straightening. Around 2010, I was fed up with trying to change and manipulate my hair to do things it didn’t want to do. So I began reading about taking care of curly hair, watching YouTube videos, and asking my hairstylist lots of questions.
And now I am nearing more present day. I do not even know what caused me to be done with coloring, highlighting, and the whole covering up of the white hair. It could be that I was needing more coloring more often. I used to be able to get away with it twice a year. It could be that life became more busy, my husband more ill, and hair coloring was put on hold for awhile. The last time I had my hair colored was in July 2018 (top left photo below). In the process of making steps to make life simpler on us in various ways, I decided it was time to simplify and let my hair do what it was going to do. I was always going to be fighting it anyway, and I didn’t need one more thing to stress over. My son so poetically calls the white hairs “silver ribbons.” How can I argue with that?? I recently had three inches cut off my hair to get rid of some of the color (bottom right photo).
Whatever season of life I am in, I can find joy even through great changes. And while this process makes me a bit self-conscious, I know that once the ‘silver ribbons’ are all grown out, I will be glad I did it. I have aunts and friends who have all white hair and I think they look gorgeous. My husband has a Military Student Appreciation Reception next week and college graduation May 19 and I have had a few moments of “maybe I should spruce my hair up and color it” for these occasions. But I know by the end of the year when most of this has grown out, when there will be more white than a mix of white and whatever-I-have-done-to-my-hair-in-the-past, I will be relieved to see more silver ribbons in my hair. I am making the personal decision to allow the real Professional, “who has the very hairs of {my} head all numbered” (Matthew 10:30) add His own highlights – silver ribbons.
“But I trusted in thee, O Lord: I said, Thou art my God. My times are in thy hand…”
Psalm 31:14-15a
Here and there I have been sharing quotes and Bible verses specifically about faith and I named these, “Fixed on Faith” based on Proverbs 4:25, 26 which says, “Let thine eyes look right on, and let thine eyelids look straight before thee. Ponder the path of thy feet, and let all thy ways be established.” I had started these faith posts in 2017 on Facebook and have reached number twenty-five. I began sharing them on the blog but have not kept up with it as I had originally planned. As I was reviewing a few things to post this week, I looked back at the Fixed on Faith posts and noticed the last one I shared here was number ten, A Different Set of Circumstances. Number eleven, I thought, was timely in regards to April’s study theme.
When I place my time in God’s hands, He redeems it and gives a fuller life.
Fixed on Faith 11
April’s study theme is entitled, “Seasonal Joys”. Part of my thought process in this is finding joy in every season, even the difficult ones. There is a sense of joy and peace in not rushing God or His timing in the work He is doing in me. In a society that is forever rushing around and never really seeming to get ahead, it is difficult to slow down long enough to hear God’s still small voice. When I rush through seasons of blessings and grief alike, I miss the beautiful in favor of the busy. Joy and sorrow work together like the seasons of the year. In all seasons, God’s mercy and love surrounds and stretches around- hugging me close, rejoicing with me and interceding for me. When I am in a season of joy, I need to trust in the Lord. When I am in a season of hardship, I need to trust in the Lord. His mercy is the same yesterday, today, and forever, no matter what. When I give my time– my life’s time, one season at a time– over to His capable and loving hands, He redeems it, He uses all for His glory, and He gives a much fuller life. A fuller life is having peace anchored in God and not in my circumstances. A fuller life is waiting on God for a solution when problems arise instead of hurrying to fix them myself. A fuller life is resting without guilt in tired times. A fuller life is looking for the “stray gifts” in a day which God places in my path so I will remember Him and His care for me.
Speaking of “stray gifts”, here is a collage of a few in my yard. My April stray gifts themes are: alive, cheery, spring-green, and warm
Red roses still alive after being planted last year
Honeysuckle in the sun beautifully spring-green
I confess to having more than ten chrysanthemums in the backyard. I love how easy they are to take care, how the leaves stay green all year, and that the flowers bloom a few times every year. I bought most of them on clearance at the end of the season last year. I have orange, yellow, white, purple, and this pretty cranberry colored one – all alive and well so far. Most are still budding.
Yellow bells (trumpet vine bushes) alive and well after a good pruning in late winter. I was not sure they would come back as it was a new plant for me last year.
A stray gift in a warm greeting card from me to someone else to hopefully make her day brighter.
Cheery yellow rose in the backyard – a bit beat up from the severe wind storms we have had the last few days, but still hanging on.
How times and seasons are in concert! Spring is suggestive of morning, summer of noon, autumn of evening, and winter of night.
Henry James Slack (1818–1896), The Ministry of the Beautiful
In January, I shared an idea of having a study theme for each month along with a possible prayer plan, Scripture verses, and a ministry goal. I have named this ‘idea’, “Grace Goals 2019”. Each month looks different than the last as I wait for God to show me what the theme will be. January’s blog and Facebook posts were about encouragement. In February, I shared verses and thoughts on being strong in heart. March’s theme was about renewal. This month’s theme is entitled, “Seasonal Joys”. As each of nature’s seasons look different; so it is with life’s seasons. Some winters are colder and more bitter than others. Some springs occur later than we would choose. Some summers are hotter than you ever remember. And some autumn’s are more grand than ever before. In each season, there are joys and sorrows alike. My husband and I are going through a rough season right now with his health issues and working with doctors to figure out how to manage his chronic pain. Seasons of joy and struggle are in concert, all allowed by God, all to bring glory to Him in ways we may never know. More to come throughout the month of April.
I am continuing to look for the #straygifts that are spread throughout the days and here are a few suggestions for April:
“God uses broken things. It takes broken soil to produce a crop, broken clouds to give rain, broken grain to give bread, broken bread to give strength. It is the broken alabaster box that gives forth perfume. It is Peter, weeping bitterly, who returns to greater power than ever.”
-Vance Havner
“Hope” is a word my husband and I are using often this year. His body suffers with arthritis and pain from the hips down. He barely makes it to work and school, but pushes on because graduation is seven weeks away. Almost there. He has been seeing a rheumatologist outside the VA for pain issues, but any x-rays or attention to new medicine being prescribed is staying ‘under the radar’ of his VA primary care doctor. There has been confusion over medicine, over what is actually causing all the pain in my husband’s hips and legs, and more. We have been on an emotional roller coaster and my husband has been in contact with an advocate to seek help in communicating effectively with his doctor that something is wrong. The pain is too much to be ‘simple arthritis’. Is the pain from his fibromyalgia? Google doesn’t have all the answers we seek, and help with the VA is limited at this time. We have hope that the right someone at the right time will review all the x-rays and MRI results and see that the degenerative issues my husband is having needs attention. New medicine? A referral to see an orthopedist? Hip replacement surgery due to severe degeneration in his hip joints? Physical therapy? We have hope that this year, someone will be able to help him relieve some pain. We have hope that he will walk normally and not bent over working to put one foot in front of the other. We have hope that after graduation, he will be able to get a full time job. Driving is uncomfortable. The pain affects everything, yet every morning we wake up hoping this will be the day that my husband can be seen by someone who can help. Without hope and without knowing that God does see, He does hear, and that He may very well be working on the other end of the situation, I do not know where we would be. The days are hard. We are taking one step at a time. One x-ray, one MRI, one conversation with the advocate in hopes that things will change for the better concerning pain management is how we are managing. We do what we can do and pray God is working in ways we cannot see right now. In the meantime, my husband is able to keep a good testimony at work. He works with a lot of young people and they know he suffers and have shown they care. He is able to share with them about disabled veterans and how they can help support the military. In the meantime, we are still looking for ‘stray gifts’. In the meantime, we still count the blessings…the days when his pain is ‘manageable’ and the hours at night he sleeps. Every gift matters… especially in trying hours.
“…Though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day.”
2 Corinthians 4:16
Stray Gifts Update: For March’s “stray gifts” themes, I had chosen to look for gifts fragrant, charming, growing, and sunlit.
Sunlit peach tree blossoms and blue skies- When this photo was taken at our church in Mexico, it had been a few weeks since we had been there due to an ER visit with my husband and pain issues. It was very cold in our cement building for months. On this day, we had the door open and the ceiling fans on.
One lone charming flower on a succulent plant outside.
A homemade greeting card from my niece who is attending Bible college in California. I labeled this ‘stray gifts growing’ because she is a young lady far away from home (Australia) growing in the Lord, in knowledge, and in beauty.
Sunlit mountains on the way home from a visit with my in-laws.
Sunlit, growing leaves on trees and bushes.
Charming, fragrant Lady Banks roses starting to bloom.
Pleasure is spread through the earth in stray gifts to be claimed by whoever shall find. -William Wordsworth, 1806
“Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer.”
Psalm 19:14
I wouldn’t consider myself a good listener. I am quick to form an opinion or offer a solution. I often judge and am impatient with myself and with others. My Grace Goals for March Bible study has been about “Renewal”. (See also: Renewing Rest and Renewing Focus) Today, I am thinking on Renewing Purpose – a purpose to listen more, talk less. It is challenging to be still and quiet thoughts and words. And if I am not saying anything out loud, noise is going on in my head about what I want to get done in a day. Always thinking, planning, plotting my next project. Even in ‘down time’, I am meditating on what is next or what needs to be crossed off my ‘to do’ list. (Especially since spring is here and I have gardening plans!) So far my studies have been about resting in the sufficiency of God to heal and to renew, and about focus; taking my eyes off media and distractions to recognize more His working in my life. Renewing purpose to listen for God’s voice, His leading, it is easy to think that is reserved for Sundays, sitting in church, listening to preaching. It is more difficult to turn off the television, to turn down the radio, to separate from noise, stress, work, and busyness to be still during the week. It can be unnerving as I think I should be doing something. And when I move my focus to incorporate moments of stillness or quietness to read, to be outside, to journal, I find myself quieter in spirit and calmer in attitude. Renewal may look like something entirely different to another person and with God making us each in a unique way, He can work in different ways through various means, but with the same message in mind; “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me: for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.” Matthew 11: 28, 29. First things first: Come unto me → If I move towards Him, then rest/renewal will be given. Take my yoke → If I identify with Him and learn from Him, learn His direction for my life, then there is rest/renewal ‘unto your souls’ – renewal because, no matter what happens, I am secure in my every-day-purpose here on this earth. God is not limited to time and space, yet sometimes ‘time and space’ is what I only understand. It starts with recognizing the need for time set part (in any given place at any given time), breathing in the moments of peace, and letting God teach what renewal means to Him for me as an individual- purposing to rest my words and thoughts and listen to Him.
For a busy minded person, taking time to renew rest, energy, and peace of mind can seem a bit of a nuisance with so much to do. But, didn’t God create rest? Doesn’t He offer renewal daily?
“Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable”…not just the words that come out of my mouth, but what goes on in my heart as well. Proverbs 4:23, “Keep thy heart with all diligence, for out of it are the issues of life.” What goes on in the heart, usually comes out the mouth. It is a refection. And if I find myself being more judgmental, more impatient (even with God) or stressed, then it is indeed time for a ‘time out’ to rest my words, to renew purpose to listen more, and to calm my heart.
Renew:
to replace (something that is broken or worn out)→ working on replacing my need to have my opinions heard all the time with listening more; pausing when tempted to judge
to resume (an activity) after an interruption→ working on resuming quiet moments in the day, purposing to take a break from the noise of television, the radio, from work
to give fresh life or strength to→ working on letting go of self made plans when the day changes, recognizing God is still in control, He is not surprised. Trusting His hand is on the day no matter how it goes renews life and strength.
Resting words and whirling thoughts and renewing purpose to listen more and talk less become difficult when using our own strength. In Psalm 19:14, David names God as his strength and redeemer. To withdraw words, opinions, and judgment can be done through God’s strength. And when I fail and need to be reminded to let go of control, to yield my plans to Him, to set apart time to take a break, there is the Redeemer to renew purpose, to make things new, right, and whole.
Unto thee lift I up mine eyes, O thou that dwellest in the heavens. Behold, as the eyes of servants look unto the hand of their masters, and as the eyes of a maiden unto the hand of her mistress; so our eyes wait upon the LORD our God, until that he have mercy upon us.
Psalm 123:1-2
I have never focused on Lent or its meaning until I came across this study topic two years ago entitled, A Sabbath Journey for Lent. This study comes to mind again as I saw people in town recently with ash marks on their foreheads. This time frame is leading up to the remembrance of Christ’s crucifixion and the celebration of His resurrection which we will specifically observe during Easter next month. Permitting the world to take this time frame and twist it into focusing on ashes and self-guilt instead of the amazing redemptive work of Grace and freedom through Christ is heartbreaking. Letting God work and making this time that the world deems one thing into something of eternal value for me personally is part of my March “grace goals” theme on “Renewal”. Giving up ‘stuff’ for Lent tends to be temporary, but focusing on giving my life to the One Who gave His for me means something and has an eternal effect. It is taking the attention off religion and placing it on the relationship with Christ. In Luke 10, Christ tells Martha who was “cumbered about with much serving” (vs 40) and “careful and troubled about many things” (vs 41) that all that wasn’t needful. What was needful and good was what Mary was doing- sitting at the feet of Jesus, body at rest, ears listening, and eyes on Him. By the end of the book of Luke, Christ was being crucified. I live in a predominately Catholic society and with Easter around the corner and signs of ashes and sacrifice lately, it has me pondering on renewing focus.
How much do I let media, religion, or busyness distract my heart? When I watch the news more, I become frustrated. A lot of the world is an angry place right now staring us down -daring us to defy their wants and ungodly wishes, no matter now illogical they are. God is not surprised by any of this. He is not afraid or anxious. It is easy to notice the spiritual unrest because it is everywhere. Paying attention to religion (instead of a personal relationship with Christ) and man-made rules can hinder the ability to let God be the One to lead. Too much busyness leaves little room for meditating on God’s heart and hand in my life as well and can drown out His still small voice. How much do I focus on what other people are doing, how they are thinking, and where they are going? I should be sitting at the feet of Jesus, body at rest, ears listening with my eyes on Him.
Renewing focus is to rest the eyes. It is turning my attention to God’s heart and not the world’s unrest. It is occupying my time with God’s view of me because He sees me, He knows my shortcomings, and even still, He has a purpose in mind for me.
Father, We Seek Thee (a prayer found in the back of an old hymnal)
Father, We seek Thy truth lest we be deceived and misled.
We seek Thy love lest we go unloving and uncaring through the day.
We seek Thy peace lest we waste our time in anxieties that eat up our energies and profit neither ourselves nor others.
We seek Thyself lest, living to ourselves, we remain lonely and alien and frustrated.
May we know today what it means to live in Christ’s life, to be open to His mind, to be governed by His love, to be ruled by His purpose. -Amen
Bless the Lord, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy name. Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits: Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases; Who redeemeth thy life from destruction; who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies;
Psalm 103:1-4
If the Lord redeemed us through salvation from utter destruction, He meant from all destruction, not just from eternity in darkness and hell. Why then, do I often inflict on myself the mental and emotional wrecking ball of doubt, guilt, and insecurity? All throughout Psalm 103, David was renewing and resting his trust in God.
He gives good things.
His is merciful and gracious.
He does not always chide.
He removes our sins as far as the east is from the west.
He remembers we are dust.
In thinking over the topic of “Renewal” (March’s #gracegoals2019 theme), verse 5 in Psalm 103 stands out, “Who satisfieth thy mouth with good things; so that thy youth is renewed like the eagle’s”. I am reminded of eagles when they molt, or shed their feathers. They get rid of old, weighty feathers to make way for newer ones which renews their strength and ability to soar.
Renewing our ability to rest in God and the work He has done for our righteousness takes a ‘molting’ or shedding of old behaviors which limit our growth in Christ. Rejecting feelings of guilt over sin or of things not done right in the past which God has forgiven us for is part of that. Moving away from comparing our lives to someone else’s and parting with the ‘I’m not good enough’ self-talk is freeing a heavy weight that keeps us from moving forward. There is no renewal, there is no rest when we listen to a voice contrary to what God says in the Bible.
To renew: to resume after an interruption; to re-establish; to give fresh life to
Whatever interrupted the ability to rest in God, whatever needs to be re-established for a firmer faith, whatever needs a new perspective and fresh life, God already has that covered under the blood. Remembering God’s example of favor, of grace, of forgiveness, and of sympathy will help regain strength and faith through God who delights to give good things, and who chooses to crown us with lovingkindness and mercy (Psalm 103:4). From the beginning of Psalm 103, with his soul and everything in him, David gave honor to God. A good place to start ‘molting’ is to begin at the beginning by glorifying God, by recognizing all His benefits on our behalf, and by accepting His renewing rest.
Bless the LORD, O my soul: and all that is within me. bless his holy name. Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits.
For all things are for your sakes, that the abundant grace might through the thanksgiving of many redound to the glory of God.For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day.
2 Corinthians 4:15-16
This month’s study theme is “Renewal”. I have been thinking about the verses shared above in that things which happen in our lives through thanksgiving cause the grace of God to redound (contribute greatly, echo, advance) to the glory of God. And in remembering that, we are not to collapse under life’s pressures but be renewed day by day. Our family has had a lot of pressure lately – my husband’s physical struggles and an uncertain financial future due to his recent battles. We have so many questions. Does God see? Does He have a plan? How long do we wait before my husband can be seen by a doctor who can help him with pain management? And how do we live grateful for all in the process to resound God’s glory?
With spring in the air (for now) in our part of the world, the word “renewal” came to mind as I was working in the yard last week. It was refreshing to be outside in the beautiful weather, hands in the dirt, trimming off dead leaves and branches, and cleaning up winter’s mess. The work of cleaning up the yard and plants makes way for the sun to get to the roots. As tired as I was by the end of the day, I felt renewed because I knew all that work would add to our enjoyment outside later. After a ‘spiritual winter’, there is some cleaning up to do as well. We need to trim off thoughts, preoccupations, and behaviors that hinder growth which makes way for the Son to reach our faith roots. We need to be honest about our goals and do the hard work necessary so there is room for renewal.
Throughout the month, I will be sharing Bible verses and thoughts on this topic as well as looking for ‘stray gifts’ charming, fragrant, growing, and sunlit.
No winter lasts forever; no spring skips its turn.
I have been a Fitbit wearer for four years off and on. I like keeping track of my steps in a day and feel good about myself when I have done a lot of walking. I remember a phase when I had not been wearing it and mentioned to a fellow-Fitbit-wearing-friend that I felt regretful for not keeping track of my steps during that time. “That’s ok”, she said. “Every step still counts towards your fitness goals whether you know it or not.”
In a recent blog post, Strength of Heart, I shared Bible verses and thoughts on a spiritually strong heart as it has been a topic of study for February. The Fitbit conversation came to mind as I was thinking about a strong heart and the steps it takes to be physically and spiritually strong. Every step of exercise taken works for our benefit whether or not we are tracking our steps. Likewise, each step we take nearer to God counts towards a strong heart spiritually. If growth is not shared on social media, did it really happen? If progress is not spoken aloud in a testimony at church in front of other people, does it count? It sounds ridiculous doesn’t it? Of course, every movement made towards walking in paths of righteousness is beneficial. Every offering of forgiveness, every kindness shown, every light we rekindle through encouragement is fruitful for spiritual growth. Every Scripture verse we read, take to heart, and let change us more into Christ’s image helps us thrive. Many times, we are not the ones to even notice it. When I walk more, my family notices it. My husband will comment that he senses more strength in me and will remind me of how far I have come in my health goals in the last few years. When spiritual growth happens within, others may notice it first. We seem stronger spiritually, less judgmental, more at peace.
So take heart. If you feel as if you have been working so hard on ‘spiritual progress’ and do not feel as if you have striven, know that every step you take towards wisdom, towards kindness, towards forgiveness, towards godliness counts. When I am walking more, I am sore. My muscles hurt and I wonder if I should keep going. However, when my family notices and compliments on the progress, I keep striving for my goal. Spiritual growth hurts, too, sometimes. And when others notice that I have been kinder, more patient, more forgiving, I know that every little move I make draws me nearer to the heart of God. It makes my heart stronger and the life I have in Christ more fruitful.
Add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge;And to knowledge temperance; and to temperance patience; and to patience godliness; And to godliness brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness charity. For if these things be in you, and abound, they make you that ye shall neither be barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But he that lacketh these things is blind, and cannot see afar off, and hath forgotten that he was purged from his old sins.
